The Paper Dog

Wednesday

Focus

Hi and thanks for popping in to say hello.   I have not been here nearly as much as I want but my days just seem to all blend into each other lately. 

Many of you know, each day I go to my visit my Nana and keep her company for the day.  Yesterday was really difficult for all of us because it was Grandpa's Birthday.  He would have been 94.  It feels like he's been gone forever but it's only really been 4 months.  There have been so many times I've needed him.  So many times I've wanted to curl up close to him and ask him life's most difficult questions.  Now, I find myself with Nana each day, asking her those questions.  The days that are most difficult, matter the most.  Those are the days hearts are poured out.  I've learned so much from my grandparents over the years.  I hope I am able to continue to learn from Nana for many more years to come. 

I won't say it's easy to leave my studio each day, leave my beautiful vintage fabrics, paints, sewing machine and pretty papers and say goodbye to them for yet another day.  I feel as though life is guiding me on a different path right now.  I am still able to find bits and pieces of my nights to work in my studio but emotionally, I am often drained of all creativity and I find it difficult at best to just get myself home, make dinner and flop into bed. 

I am still journaling here and there and dreaming of my etsy shop.  I did finally decide on my word for 2012...FOCUS.  I so need to focus more.  Right now, I need to focus on the relationship I have with my Nana each day.  I need to focus on her and be in our precious moments to listen and really hear all the stories.  The stories of my Great-Grandmother making apricot jelly and how nobody liked it.  And I need to hear the story of how my Great-Grandpa would take Nana on the train to Philly and how he would let her hold his pocketwatch while the train moved along the tracks.  Focus.....
My sewing machine, my vintage fabrics, paint and papers will all be there when I can focus more time on them.  They aren't going anywhere. 

My days with Nana....she is drifting deeper and deeper into her dementia and she is my focus and I LOVE my focus. 

Do you have a special focus for 2012...or maybe even a focus for today?  I'd love to hear your focus!

6 comments:

Amanda @ A Sweet Life Rocks said...

Hi Michelle,
Thank you for visiting my blog yesterday.

Your post is beautiful. I love how you expressed your heart about spending time with your Nana. What a special opportunity you have right now.

Yes! My words for 2012 are Focus and Freedom!!
We have that in common, I suppose. The meaning of each word runs deep in me, and I plan on being successful in those areas.

You can do it!

KellyS said...

Michelle, your focus is in the right place. Often we learn too late how many things we wanted to ask these people we love so much... stories only they can tell. Listen to the whispers, sweetie, for they will carry you where you need to be.

My words for 2012: Live and Experience

rockwelldesigns said...

I so LOVE your heartfelt stories of your Nana. You will be glad you spent the time listening to her memories. Now that my Grandparents are gone I wish I had talked to them more often and journaled their experiences.

Margaret said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Michelle and your Nana as you go through this difficult time. It's good to have a focus. My word for 2012 is Future. Look to the future and not the past. It holds such amazing blessings.

Linda said...

I love that you have your Nana! Treasure these days....

Soni B said...

My heart is with you, treasure this time, these days and all you are doing...

My focus, is learning to have a good day, tho my husband is not at my side... yes in my heart, yes in my memories... and I am praying so hard for GOD teach me how to help my daughters know they can go forward , and that being the wonderful mommies that they are is important... and that is is ok to miss their daddy, it is okay to cry... but more importantly, it is ok to be happy and enjoy each day

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