Hi and thanks for popping in to say hello. I have not been here nearly as much as I want but my days just seem to all blend into each other lately.
Many of you know, each day I go to my visit my Nana and keep her company for the day. Yesterday was really difficult for all of us because it was Grandpa's Birthday. He would have been 94. It feels like he's been gone forever but it's only really been 4 months. There have been so many times I've needed him. So many times I've wanted to curl up close to him and ask him life's most difficult questions. Now, I find myself with Nana each day, asking her those questions. The days that are most difficult, matter the most. Those are the days hearts are poured out. I've learned so much from my grandparents over the years. I hope I am able to continue to learn from Nana for many more years to come.
I won't say it's easy to leave my studio each day, leave my beautiful vintage fabrics, paints, sewing machine and pretty papers and say goodbye to them for yet another day. I feel as though life is guiding me on a different path right now. I am still able to find bits and pieces of my nights to work in my studio but emotionally, I am often drained of all creativity and I find it difficult at best to just get myself home, make dinner and flop into bed.
I am still journaling here and there and dreaming of my etsy shop. I did finally decide on my word for 2012...FOCUS. I so need to focus more. Right now, I need to focus on the relationship I have with my Nana each day. I need to focus on her and be in our precious moments to listen and really hear all the stories. The stories of my Great-Grandmother making apricot jelly and how nobody liked it. And I need to hear the story of how my Great-Grandpa would take Nana on the train to Philly and how he would let her hold his pocketwatch while the train moved along the tracks. Focus.....
My sewing machine, my vintage fabrics, paint and papers will all be there when I can focus more time on them. They aren't going anywhere.
My days with Nana....she is drifting deeper and deeper into her dementia and she is my focus and I LOVE my focus.
Do you have a special focus for 2012...or maybe even a focus for today? I'd love to hear your focus!